in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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