listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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