There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
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Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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