that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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