Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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