had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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