god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize