I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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