Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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