part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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