Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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