you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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