evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
that's an acceptable place to lick
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
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I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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