you traded sex for a burrito?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
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After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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