Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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