Will you blow on my dice?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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