I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize