I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize