Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My vagina is very pro this idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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