you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
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Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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