I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
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as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
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I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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