you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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