I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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