I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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