we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
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MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
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Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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