saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Duck Duck Cougar?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
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we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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