it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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