I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize