I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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