Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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