she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
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Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
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Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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