I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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