Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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