I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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