dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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