no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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