So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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