So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
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And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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