i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
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No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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