Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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