i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
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New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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