you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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