I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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