Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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