There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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