out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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