Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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