Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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