Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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