I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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